Sitting in a home of a family I don’t know this christmas really makes me quite sad of how we’re spending my last Christmas of being under my parents. I hate to sound so immature when I say “I can’t wait til I’m 18 so I can be out of here”, but it’s somewhat true. I just don’t feel any happy. This year has been so bitter since my grandparents left as they carried the only family feeling that existed. I feel like my mom and dad just don’t see the world the way I do or the way my grandparents do as they just seem to go by with life like nothing but money matters. But then again, life with my grandparents was hard also in the way that they restricted me from everything.
The way I grew up as such a shy and silent alone kid was because of the way I was brought up by all of them, and it isn’t something I like. Come to think about it, I’m living what THEY want. Honest to god I’m tired of it and I want to go out and rebel and just be free.
I can’t wait to get the bit of freedom I’ll get next year and will sooo take advantage of it. I want to start exploring everything and forget about getting settled and finding a job after college like they all say. I want to do labor intensive jobs at the age of 26 in a different city, country, atmosphere. I want to immerse myself in different cultures as I have lived in the same city MY WHOLE LIFE. I want to experience the life of a poor musician slaving around for gigs. I want to live a life I’ll enjoy telling others, instead of saying the usual- I went to college got a good job had kids and now I’m retired.
I want to live a different life than my parents did.
I want to see myself going into the new year with a “whoa, this year was intenseee” feeling. See new places each year and experience new things every year only to reminisce at this time during Christmas.